The person I think of as a dear friend decided to separate herself from everyone, including me. I haven’t yet determined if she’s doing so out of (1) a need to do everything herself, (2) a general distrust in others’ offers of help, or (3) our relationship isn’t of much value to her. I have reason to believe that any of these three could be operative here.
She has been married twice, and they both ended because in one instance, she was too young, and in the other instance the courtship went too fast. This was her description of them. She also operates in a business that essentially leaves it’s professionals as loners, or at least at a considerable personal distance from others, for obvious reasons of self-protection. So when she has problems in the business I’m less likely to hear about them early, and usually in the context of “me v. them”.
Adding fuel to this is a general unevenness in her approach with me. We have (or had) conversations where she is tremendously warm and open and others where it feels more business-like and foreign. At times conversations veer off into her business issues (again the “me v. them” dynamic) and less about her. In many ways I still feel like I’ve hardly scratched the surface of who she is. And then she has more or less reduced communications to simple, impersonal “have a great day” missives through text or, more common these days, a DM via Twitter.
So I guess I’m not very important to her. I feel all sorts of feelings about her right now, but the main thing is disappointment. Maybe I overthought it. I really did feel love toward her – she has made me a measurably better man. But at this stage I don’t know if a relationship is going to progress past a basic friendship. I thought it was, and I’m having to admit to myself that I was perhaps deluding myself.