befogtheantagonist

Musings from the edge


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Us

My darling sub means the world to me. She makes me feel as if nothing will ever get our way. It’s been a challenge, this long-distance relationship. But I know that she wants to be in my life, and wants to share my world. And this makes me want to be the very best I can be. 

I want her to be the very best she can be. She will know what it means to be loved every day, every hour, every minute. And in so doing we will be the very best couple we can be. Because she will have the freedom she desires, while having the attachment she needs, and the partner I want. 

I can’t wait until she arrives. We know each other so well already. To have her in my life is to finally know what it means to feel unconditional love with a true partner. And to give her all the love and affection she needs. We both need this. We both want this.

And we will have it together. What a fantastic feeling that is.


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A story for a sub, part 2

I had fallen asleep with L. nestled on my chest. Her quieted breathing was very calming, and her warmth left me drowsy after all the excitement. I started dreaming of her taking my cock in her mouth and wondered why it felt so amazing, very close, very personal. Then I realized it wasn’t a dream.

As I opened my eyes, L. was leaning over me and taking my cock into her mouth. It felt fantastic, with her hot, wet lips and mouth sucking and pulling, and my cock was now rock hard and twitching with excitement. She looked up at me and smiled. I looked at her almost in disbelief; she was almost too good to be true.

“Hi,” she said, as she took the head of my cock between her lips and flicked the tip with her tongue. This sent a shiver up my back, and I moaned instinctively. She smiled at that and lowered her lips and mouth over my cock all the way to the balls, holding it there then slowly rising. She repeated this motion for several minutes, and I was getting increasingly closer to cumming. Noticing my agitation, she began massaging my balls in her hand, and this caused me to thrust into her mouth. She smiled as she looked up into my eyes, and nodded slightly. She wanted me to fuck her mouth. 

I reached down, grasped her hair in my hands and started thrusting into her mouth. She enjoys this type of sex and has said to me that she always wants me to do it to her. I always wondered what it was that she enjoyed, because I would tend to worry about hurting her. But she always gets aroused by it, and I want her fully aroused and ready. 

I could feel my balls tightening as I was ready to cum, and I looked down into her eyes. She looked up at me and again nodded. With a loud grunt I came, squirting milky, thick cum into L.’s mouth. She sucked it up greedily – she loves the taste of cum, and mine in particular – and cleaned up my cock afterward, making sure all of it had been swallowed. 

When she was done she pulled off my cock and looked up at me expectantly. I motioned for her to come up and lay on my right side. She dutifully complied (she’s a very obedient sub) and when her face reached mine I put my hand on the back of her head and pulled her to me, kissing her lustily, open mouthed, wanted to taste her tongue and the inside of her mouth. She wanted the same. while doing so, I reached down with other hand and felt along her pussy lips. She was soaking, with wetness all over the outside of her cunt. I pushed two fingers inside her pussy and started a very rapid thrusting pattern. I wanted to make her squirt. She squirmed slightly under my kiss then relaxed under my penetrating kiss. Then she started humping my leg as her orgasm accelerated. With a loud moan her hips slammed into my leg. As she started cumming she let out a scream and a fountain of liquid squirted out of her pussy, landing on my torso, my leg, and all over the floor. I kept thrusting hard into her with my fingers, pushing her into another orgasm, and she squirted again. 

As her orgasm subsided, she looked into my eyes and I could see the willingness and raw desire there.  L. wanted me inside her. Badly. I leaned up out of the couch and got to my feet. L. looked up at me quizzically. I reached out for her hand and then she understood; I wanted her in bed. 

End Part 2


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We interrupt this story to bring you

I owe a Part 2 to the last entry, and it’s in the works. In the meantime, the person who is the sub is a very real person. We have a natural rapport that I hope continues to grow. But I’m the sort of person who wants everything to go faster than it can. I’ve always had this problem, and if I want this relationship to grow then I had better slow myself down.

As for her, she is absolutely beautiful. She would never think or say so. But she is an amazingly wonderful woman, and what’s more, she thinks I’m really awesome (with, you know, the caveat above). I won’t go into a detailed description of her but will say she has been the kindest, sweetest, supportive, loving, and submissive woman I’ve ever known. And she wants to be mine. 

Here’s the challenge. We’re both married. The marriages are messy. I won’t speak to hers, but in my case the love just got too hard to sustain. The wife is a fairly dictatorial type, yet skittish and fearful in many ways. Our relationship collapsed about four years ago under the weight of unshared expectations and non-communication (a trait of the relationship from the very beginning) and with rare exceptions hasn’t revived.

Also, I’ve been unemployed most of the last year (with occasional glimmers of hope springing up from time to time, including right now as I write this). I’m not particular on where I end up but the preference changes with each round of disappointment. Currently I have possibilities in both Texas and Connecticut (with an on again, off again flirtation with a company in DC), so I’m clearly trying to be as flexible as I can be. 

However, the third part is critical. She is currently living in England (well, that’s the permanent residence). She’s from Texas (making the employment opportunity there very fortuitous) and if she decides to seek divorce I would presume (?) she would move back there.

This is where geography plays a huge role. I already expect to seek a divorce as soon as the opportunity presents itself (i.e. getting employed full time would help tremendously). The trick is that if she opts to divorce her husband, where I end up is critically important to whether or not I will actually get to see her.

And that’s the other piece of this. We’ve met and grown a relationship entire through social media. To the extent that we can, the relationship is built on social networks that don’t allow us to actually “see” each other, or here each other (unless you consider AudioBoo to be such). So we haven’t actually “met”, and yet I feel like we know each other so well.

So these are the challenges that my sub and I face. Everything I write about her, and satisfying her, and protecting her, and loving her, is built on fantasy couched in real-time discussions through social media.  We still need to meet, fall in love, and let the chips fall where they may.

And yet, there’s something utterly timeless about “us”. And I want very much to see “us” happen. So I need to work on how to get us together, at least to meet. Then who knows?


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A story for a sub, part 1

I write this story for my darling.

I am a newly realized Dominant (Dom), trying to find my way in the BDSM world. My darling is a beautiful submissive (sub), and this is a story about what we desire.

I desire her. I wake up thinking about her, go through the day with her on my mind, and go to sleep thinking about her. She appears in my dreams constantly. There’s no getting around it: she’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. I want her. No one else. Just her.

At this point, she and I have known each other a very short while, and we’re still a ways away from being able to meet face-to-face (it’s all electronic communications-based at the moment). But I feel better about her than I’ve ever felt about any relationship with any woman. In fact, my heart literally aches when I think of her. 

This is a story written about us. Names are removed to protect the naughty. 

We meet at her home. She’s alone, and I ring the doorbell. She opens the door and she looks beautiful in an emerald green corset and matching boots. In the boots she’s about my height, but I’m more astounded by the contrasting brown flowing hair and penetrating, yet warmly inviting brown eyes. “Good evening, L,” I say to break the silence (L. is a contrived name for this story). “Hello, Sir,” she replies back. She invites me in and closes and locks the door behind me. 

As I mentioned earlier, I’m still very new to the D/s world, so as I turn to tell her how beautiful she is she leaps into my arms and gives me a big kiss on the lips. I return her kiss hungrily. I’ve wanted this moment for a long time. To hold her in my arms, to touch her, to hold her, to entice and seduce her. The way this is starting, however, I think we’ve passed the seduction stage. Frankly, I need this. It’s been a long time since I’ve had sex (and longer since I enjoyed it). L. wants me. She wants me inside her, and over her, and under her. I want all those things, and I’ve said I would enjoy very much being the man she needs, in every way. 

She leads me to the parlor, and asks me what I would like to do. I tell her I just need to catch my breath. She looks at me curiously. It was a long trip, and I’m a little jetlagged. Seeing L. in that bustier turns me on, though. She is gorgeous (she doesn’t think so, oddly). I’m aroused and I can feel it growing in my pants. I tell her to sit down and I take off my coat and look at her, sitting carefully and primly looking at me. She can’t hide the fact that she’s staring at my pants, and sees the bulge there. She looks up at me slightly sheepishly, and I smile at her and ask her to help me with my pants. She reaches over and unbuckles my belt, then unbuttons my pants. as she’s pulling them down she lingers over the now very prominent erection that is turning my boxers into a tent. She smiles at this, then looks up at me expectantly. I ask her if she likes what she sees. She nods and says “Yes, Sir”. “Then please do me a favor and get it lubricated. This will be necessary for what I have planned for you.”

She pulls my boxers down to reveal the erection, and I note it’s already very hard. I have noticed in the past that I may get an erection but it’s still not quite fully erect. On occasion a woman can get me so turned on that I get very hard. L. has the ability to get me turned on that way. All the time. Every night, I get a hard erection thinking about her. This time she takes my cock in her hands and caresses it. I audibly sigh with delight. I’ve wanted this very badly. But then I remember myself and concentrate. It wouldn’t do to prematurely ejaculate. So I look down and focus as L. takes the head in her lips and licks it with her warm tongue. I can feel my cock jerk to this feeling, and I concentrate harder. She lifts my cock and licks from the head down to the base, while cupping my balls in her hands. She works her tongue back to the head, then slowly sucks my cock into her mouth all the way, full deep throat. I moan loudly, unable to help myself. It feels fantastic. She is amazing, my darling sub. 

She repeats the deep throat action for several minutes, until I tell her it’s time for me to get busy. I tell her to get down on her knees on the sofa cushion and lean over the back.  I open my bag and pull out some rope. I tied her hands together, then attach the rope to the legs of the sofa. I take another length of rope and tie her legs to the front legs of the sofa, with her legs slightly spread at the hips. 

I noticed while tying her legs that her panties are soaked, and I tell her she’s been a naughty girl and will need to be punished. I pull out a wooden paddle and examine her ass. She has a beautiful ass, it’s round and shapely, just as I imagined it to be. I slap her ass with my hand and she moans. I slap it again with the paddle and she yelps. “You must be able to control yourself, darling” I say to her before slapping her ass with the paddle again. She lets out a slight whimper but is learning control. I slap her ass with the paddle and this time she utters no noise. “That’s very good, darling. You’ve learned control. You shall be rewarded.” 

Now, I’ve always wanted to have a double penetration with a woman. Someday I hope to do so with L. with another guy. Today I will use my fingers. I lean down behind her, pull her panties to the side, and lick her pussy lips. She moans loudly, and I can see why she’s so sensitive: her pussy is soaking in her juices. “You’re very aroused, darling.” “I’ve been thinking about you all day, Sir,” she responds achingly. “I will take care of this, darling.” I hungrily attack her pussy with my tongue, spreading her pussy lips and soaking in all the wetness I can find. She’s starting to buckle with each lick. 

I sit down and lean back with my head under her and suck on her clit, which is getting very erect. She moans loudly; L. is very close to cumming. Hard. I want her to cum, so that we have plenty of pussy wetness for the next step. I take two fingers and push them into her pussy. L. lets out a loud moan and starts grinding into my face. I accept this as a natural reaction to the stimulation I’m giving her. When she’s grinding my face hard, very close to an orgasm, I shove two fingers into her ass. L. yelps and cums hard as I’ve sent her over the edge. The restraints hold her in place, and she cums very hard, so hard that she’s shaking now. I caress her wet pussy with my hand for a moment. Then I stand up, walk around the coach, reach her face to pull it up, and shove my cock into her mouth. She sucks it hungrily, repeating her earlier deep throating. She clearly wants me to cum so she can swallow, but I have other things in mind. 

After a minute or so, I remove my cock from her mouth, bend down and kiss her fully on the lips. I then walk around and stand behind her prominent ass. I want her now. 

“Darling, remember how I make you cum when I tell you all the things I’m going to do to you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Do you want me to do them now?”

“Yes, Sir. Please.

I smile at her plea. She’s a beautiful, amazing woman and completely submissive to me, and I want her to know I love her dearly. I do this by placing one knee between her legs (right next to one of her restrained legs), the other leg over her onto the couch, and place the head of my cock at her swollen pussy lips. She can feel it and instinctively lunges back trying to get me inside. I smile again and lean into her, shoving my erect cock in as far as I can. She loudly moans and says “thank you, Sir”. 

I grab her hair and pull as I pound my cock into her. I want her to cum on my cock, and I know she’s almost there. I lean over and whisper into her ear, “you are mine, and no one else’s. I want you to cum, NOW!”  L. squeezes my cock inside her as she careens into a full blown, massive orgasm. I cannot take it anymore; I must let my control go. I explode inside L. with all the passion I have within me. Our share orgasm is loud, and wet, and wonderful. After what seems like a very large load is deposited inside her, I finally relax and lean over her. We’re both shaking now.

“I love you darling.”

“Thank you Sir. I offer my body and mind for your service.”

“Thank you darling. How do you feel about me?”

“I love you, Sir.”

“Thank you for saying those words, darling. You will be rewarded for your honesty.”

With this I pull my still very hard cock out of her pussy, adjust slightly, then slowly push my cock into her ass. Her ass is actually very wet due to all the arousal, and she lets out a loud yelp as I slowly push my cock inside her. This requires extreme care; I back out slightly the push in again. L. rocks back into me; she wants me to continue. I resume pushing, and her ass relaxes as I push carefully inside. L. lifts up her head in satisfaction as I push all the way in, to the base of my cock. Her ass feels amazing on my cock, very tight. I start a rhythm and L. pushes back into me as we establish a good rhythm. As I feel L. working up to another orgasm, I reach around her hip and stroke her pussy with my hand. L. lets out a loud sigh and rockets off to another orgasm. She cums so hard that her whole body is shaking. 

As her orgasm subsides I pull my cock out of her ass, and untie the binds. She tries to sit up to hug me but wobbles, so I reach over and hug her. L. is a very talented sub, and I’m completely in love with her. I knew it before this, but her strength confirms it. 

I lay down on the sofa and pull L. to me. She lays her head on my chest, and I take her in my arms. 

“I love you, L.” 

“I love you, Sir.” 

“Let’s rest for awhile. We have more fun ahead of us.”

End Part 1.


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My Butterfly

She’s real. She’s not a dream, though I dream of her all the time. She’s beautiful, sexy, very sensual, and absolutely amazing. I want her badly. To hold her, hug her, kiss her deeply, caress her warmly.

It’s amazing how exciting she is to me. How wonderful it feels. My only problem is it’s a long-distance relationship. I can’t get enough of her. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. So I need to go. To where she is. To where my heart belongs.

She wants a Daddy. I want a Babygirl, someone for whom I can be everything. She is everything that matters in the world. I want her. I want to be around her. I want to be inside her. I want all of the desires inside me to be completed with her, and by her, and for her.

This will still be a work in progress. We both come from broken marriages. We both have responsibilities to offspring. She needs still to have space. But I feel it deeply, that knowing feeling that everything about her matches everything I need, and desire.

I’ve never felt this way before. I know this to be true. And I believe it is the best thing possible.

She is my Butterfly. I am her Phoenix. Nothing could be more perfect than this.


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She visited my dreams last night

I have a dear friend. We “get” each other. I have a crush on her. She knows about it and has been kind to let me keep it going a little while. I don’t know how long this will last, though this may be more than just a crush. Dreams like this one are unusual for just standard crushes, so we’ll just have to see where it goes. But I wanted to write it down so that she could see it, too.

This is for her. I hope she likes it.

I had this dream last night where we finally got a chance to meet in person. You see, we met on Twitter. I don’t even know where she lives, other than we’re in the same time zone. Anyway, we finally meet and I take her to dinner at a nice restaurant of her choice. Sounds typical I realize, but I really appreciate the chance to talk with someone, to get to know them, what they like, what are their little idiosyncracies, that sort of thing. We stayed and talked for a few hours (hard to say how long in a dream). Then I took her back to her house. There’s no one there (she’s married with 2 kids, and everyone is out of the house – it’s a dream, give me a break). I walk her to her door, and it’s been a wonderful time together – lots of laughing, a significant amount of alcohol, but not too much – that’s something I don’t want is highly impaired judgement. She leans up to me and gives me this big kiss and hug, which I return in kind. I’m turned on but don’t usually take the initiative. However, in this case I don’t know when or if we’ll ever see each other again.

So I place both hands on her back and work my way down while we kiss. By the time our kiss ends I have firm hold on her beautiful ass. She looks at me and without saying a word unlocks the door and leads me inside. After she closes and latches the door she looks at me and I can see her pupils are dilated and there’s a definite intensity in her gaze. She grabs my hand and leads me into the living room, where we sit down on the couch. She turns and places one leg over my lap and grasps my head in her hands. She kisses me and opens her mouth, and at this moment I feel a huge electrical charge up my spine as a wave of desire overcomes me. She kisses me intensely and grinds into my leg. I can feel my penis getting very hard as we’re kissing, and all I can think about is how awesome it would be to have sex with my beautiful friend.

There are no words spoken. We’ve already talked enough. We look at each other and all we want is right there before us. She pulls down my pants and smiles at the bulge in my boxers. I unzip her dress and smile at the beautiful busty woman in front of me. She blushes and I give her a knowing smile. Then I pull her toward me and we resume intense open mouthed kissing. I work my hands down to her lace panties and reach one hand inside the front while the other grasps her ass. She’s very wet now. When my fingers reach her clit she moans and parts her legs. I know we’re going all the way now. I lay her down on the couch kiss and lick my way down her body. I undo the bra and squeeze her beautiful breasts. They are large and round, and I zoom in on the nipples, taking one in my mouth while rubbing the other with my fingers. I love making her nipples hard, and she leans back her head in appreciation.

I switch between each with my lips, tongue and fingers, then continue down her abdomen toward her panties. She reaches down and pulls them to the side, and I hungrily focus my lips and tongue on her clit. Her clit is already getting hard but I suck it into my mouth and flick it in a circular motion with my tongue. She begins lunging into my face with her hips, so I meet her pussy lips with two fingers, placing them along the wet edges and slowly pushing them inside her vagina. She’s looking down at me and I can see she wants me inside her now. My hard cock is protesting too. I smile at her and sit up. She leans up and pulls down my boxers, grasping my cock. She leans down and kisses the tip, and I’m fighting the desire to push forward. She takes the head into her mouth, licking all over the head with her tongue, and I’m in ecstasy. She takes most of my cock into her mouth, which I marvel at. I’ve never felt a blow job this good, and she’s incredible with her lips and tongue.

She looks up at me and then lays back on the couch with my cock firmly in her grasp. I lean over her and place my cock at the edge of her pussy. I very slowly push inside her, stopping and teasing her with it. She responds by thrusting up and taking my cock all the way inside her. She’s so wet that despite the tightness I slide right in. We work up to a good rhythm and I can feel her response growing and accelerating. We look into each other’s eyes and the pure desire is met with each thrust and grind, our grunting and squealing punctuating our mutual lust. I can feel her vagina muscles squeeze me and I know I won’t last much longer, and then she starts to kick into a huge orgasm, and I’m looking at her and thinking this is heaven. I explode inside her, and she’s looking up at me with those beautiful eyes and a huge smile, and I know that this is best sex I’ve ever had.

And then there’s round two…


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The person I think of as a dear friend decided to separate herself from everyone, including me. I haven’t yet determined if she’s doing so out of (1) a need to do everything herself, (2) a general distrust in others’ offers of help, or (3) our relationship isn’t of much value to her. I have reason to believe that any of these three could be operative here. 

She has been married twice, and they both ended because in one instance, she was too young, and in the other instance the courtship went too fast. This was her description of them. She also operates in a business that essentially leaves it’s professionals as loners, or at least at a considerable personal distance from others, for obvious reasons of self-protection. So when she has problems in the business I’m less likely to hear about them early, and usually in the context of “me v. them”.

Adding fuel to this is a general unevenness in her approach with me. We have (or had) conversations where she is tremendously warm and open and others where it feels more business-like and foreign. At times conversations veer off into her business issues (again the “me v. them” dynamic) and less about her. In many ways I still feel like I’ve hardly scratched the surface of who she is. And then she has more or less reduced communications to simple, impersonal “have a great day” missives through text or, more common these days, a DM via Twitter. 

So I guess I’m not very important to her. I feel all sorts of feelings about her right now, but the main thing is disappointment. Maybe I overthought it. I really did feel love toward her – she has made me a measurably better man. But at this stage I don’t know if a relationship is going to progress past a basic friendship. I thought it was, and I’m having to admit to myself that I was perhaps deluding myself. 

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